# Why I stopped debating

> I used to enjoy debating politics, religion and success. Why I stopped, and what people usually want from an argument instead of an answer.

- Author: Rajesh Namase
- Published: 2015-10-19
- Category: Life
- Canonical: https://namase.com/journal/why-i-stopped-debating

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- I have always liked to participate in debates. I am of the opinion that debates help to improve one’s views about a particular subject; debates are necessary to know what is right and what is wrong. I have debated with a few of my friends, parents and relatives about political parties and their agenda, what is the definition of success, which religion is the best in the world, to name a few.

I have observed that many times the person with whom with you are debating have already made his/her mind about that subject. However hard you try to convince, it is almost impossible to change their views and/or perspectives.

Lesson Learnt: Instead of debating we should prefer listening to other people's opinion with an open mind because who knows, maybe wisdom can be found there. People just want to feel that they’ve been heard. They like it when we listen carefully and respect their opinion. Ultimately, though, you have the right to decide what is right and what is wrong. There is no harm listening to them with an open mind.

- Few days ago, someone asked me whether he can use a nulled (pirated) theme on his blog? Judging, by the way, he asked the question, I knew that he was expecting a YES from my side. So I answered, "Yes! You can. But I do not prefer it. Such themes can add malicious code to our site which, as a result, can hack or insert links on your pages." He said, yes he has checked all the code and there is nothing malicious. (In my mind, I am going, “if you already made up your mind then why the hell are you asking me?) I said to him that it's his choice and ethically or morally, I don't prefer it. He said Thank you but I understood that he was disappointed.

Most of the time, people want to listen what they want to, so we need to learn how to answer such questions. If you have a good experience in handling such situations, you can share those experiences with me, it'll be helpful for me.

TL;DR

1) Try to become a good listener, instead of debating, try to listen with an open mind.

2) Sometimes people don't want answers to their questions, what they want is a confirmation of their choices.